Under the Influence
by omnipotent otaku
Summary: ROYED drabbles centered around Roy and Ed learning about their pairing on the internet and all the weirdness and randomness that ensues. -ABANDONED-
1. A Strange Suggestion

Title: Under the Influence

Chapter: A Strange Suggestion

Current Rating: T (PG-13)

Notes: Um... these are drabbles I guess (shrug) ...Before I say anything else, I have to say this: Roy and Ed slash is so much fun! And the title basically just means that Ed and Roy are gay under the influence of fanfics! w00t!

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Ed or Roy.

* * *

**Chapter 1**

Ed entered Roy's office, feeling a little bit dizzy. He had a cold a couple of days ago but it's effects still lingered. Ed hated Roy for calling him to his office for some stupid meeting.

Roy stood up behind his desk and said, "Welcome Fullmetel!"

"What the hell do you want?" Ed asked

Roy took something out from under his desk that looked like a weird flat suitcase. Roy opened the top of it and beckoned Ed forward. Ed went to Roy's desk to see what inside the odd case when he noticed that it was similar to a typewriter. There were letters on buttons on the bottom half, but the top was glowing.

"This is a laptop," Roy said, "I found it in my room this morning, along with this note."

He handed Ed a note that read:

_Dearest Roy... and Ed!_

_This thing here is a laptop. A special one too. It'll show you lots of lovely FMA slash fics automatically until you learn to use it. You'll get use to this laptop quickly, I promise. Have fun!_

_The Author_

"FMA... slash fics?" Ed muttered

"Basically... gay stories... about us." Roy said. "And, well, slash fics with us seem to be popular so... you wanna try it out?"

"You mean... be... _gay_?" Ed inquired

"Yea. Just to see what's so great about it."

"Well... alright..."

* * *

Eeks... a bit long for a drabble XD 

I'll try to update tomorrow If I can (which will most likely mean I won't)

I might have to change the rating to M later... i'm such a perv (buries face in hands)


	2. A Tad Ticklish

Chapter: A Tad Ticklish

Current Rating: T (PG–13)

Notes: This is my favorite chapter! XD Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Me is no owning the FMAness ... ish

* * *

Chapter 2 

"Ed! I wuv youuu!" Roy squealed as he glomped Ed.

"Oh, stop it," Ed said, annoyed. "Don't act so OOC."

"At least you're using the fic lingo." Roy said, letting go of him.

"Only because you always use it." Ed muttered.

Roy smirked and poked Ed's side. Ed giggled.

"Stop it, Roy."

Roy ignored Ed and poked him again.

"Quit it!"

Roy poked him a third time and said, "Is someone _ticklish_?"

Ed giggled again. "Seriously Roy, STOP!"

Roy smiled and started tickling Ed. Ed burst out laughing and fell to the floor. Roy was soon on top of him, tickling Ed until Ed thought he was going to die from lack of oxygen.

Then Al poked his head into the room.

"Niisan, I need-" Al stopped in mid sentence and stared. First at Roy, who was sitting on top of Ed, then at Ed, who was breathing heavily. Al didn't even want to ask what was going on. He slowly shut the door and walked away.

When he could no longer hear Al's footsteps, Roy resumed tickling Ed, and Ed, laughing hysterically, tried to push Roy off of him.

* * *

Eek, I updated :D 

If anyone thinks that the end of this chappie leads on to dirty nasty things, then you're WRONG. Perverts XD

Review... please!


	3. Higher Rating

Chapter: Higher Rating

Current Rating: T (PG-13)

Notes: w00t! I updated!

Disclaimer: I don't own Roy's head XD

* * *

Roy looked at the laptop screen again and raised an eyebrow.

"What is it?" Ed asked.

"Um... NC17 stuff..." Roy said, coughing slightly.

"NO." Ed said. "NO way. That's just gross!"

"I bet you want to, you perv," Roy said, smirking.

Ed face turned completely red.

"Shut it, Roy!"

"Lil pervy Ed-chaaaaaaan."

"Roy, I'm warning you!"

Roy frowned. "Aw, you're no fun," he said, pouting.

Ed rolled his eyes, snapped the laptop shut, and left the room. Roy went to the door and yelled after Ed, "You are SUCH a virgin!" which caused a large number of people to stare at him.

* * *

Yay, an update. Don't you feel special?

And I would like everyone who reviewed. I feel so loved.

REVIEW NOW.


	4. A First

Chapter: A First

Current Rating: T (PG-13)

Notes: I am so sorry for the long update! I really am! GOMEN NASAI! I'M SORRY! SORRY SORRY SORRY! FORGIVE ME! (and the worst part is, I had this chapter written down for months T-T) Gomen…

Disclaimer: I don't own the military… sucks, don't it?

* * *

Ed entered Roy's office and noticed that Roy had his hand on his head and was popping some aspirin into his mouth.

"What's up with you?" Ed asked.

"Your psycho brother hit me over the head with a frying pan and screamed at me to stop raping you," Roy said, and he set the bottle of aspirin on fire.

"I'll talk to him later," Ed said. He went over to Roy's desk.

"You know, Ed," Roy said smirking, "we haven't kissed yet."

Ed's face turned a deep scarlet.

"That's just weird… no…" Ed muttered

"What, do you think it would be gross to kiss me?" Roy inquired.

"It's just… I'd rather have my first kiss with a girl… it's more, um… traditional."

Roy stood up from his chair and stretched.

"Seriously Roy, the kissing thing is kinda creepy. I'll permit hugging, but…"

Roy took a step toward Ed.

"Roy, I'm gonna leave right now if you don't sit down!"

Roy took another step. Ed stayed in his place.

"Roy, I'm really gonna leave. Sit down!"

Roy was right next to Ed. Ed still didn't move. He only closed his eyes, and when Roy's lips pressed against his, he was quite glad he didn't leave.

* * *

W00t. The first kiss. BWAHAHAHA!

I was gonna update this on June 18 so I could tell you people about a fun anime convention I went to but… well, I dunno. I just didn't. So I'll tell you now! Ahem….

Well, on the 17th of June,me and five of my friends (I shall use their nicknames when referring to them)went to New Jersey to animeNEXT. AND VIC MIGNOGNA AND TRAVIS WILLINGHAM AND CAITLIN GLASS WERE THERE! SQUEE! We got to where they were autographing a bit too late. The security peoples wouldn't let us on line. But me, Setsuna, Terri, andEiri got tickets to get on the line so yay! Since we were last, we got to hang with them a bit more. I hugged Travis (BE STILL MY BEATING HEART! WAAAH! TRAVIS IS LOVE!) while everyone else didn't because they were too dumb to ask (gomen guys -sweatdrop-). Then I was so happy I started hyperventilating and Caitlin was all, "Breathe! Breathe!" Then Vic was all, "You thought _his _hug was nice? I'll show you a real hug!" So I started suffocating from happiness again. Then I got up to Vic and he hugged me and it was AWESOMENESS! Then when we stopped, I glomped him! (WAH! I LOVE YOU VIC!) When we were done with that, we started leaving to go hang out somewhere and TRAVIS BLEW ME A KISS! (omg, fangirl much? XD -shot-) Then we started stalking Vic and I got to hug him three more times and Ume andMae got to meet him too. THAT WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE :D:D:D:D:D

Well, till next time folks!


	5. Brotherly Insanity

Chapter: Brotherly Insanity

Current Rating: It's still T (PG-13)

Notes: This chapter's just… weird. Yea. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own Al… but I DO own an Al plushie. AND IT'S HOLDING A LIL KITTY! -squeals-

* * *

Ed walked down the street in a bit of a daze. He had never envisioned himself kissing Roy, but it happened. And it was quite enjoyable. Ed felt himself blushing as he reminisced it.

As he turned the corner, he saw Al at the end of the street. Ed ran over to him, and was a bit surprised to see his brother stroking a frying pan. The suit of armor saw Ed and said, "Oh, hi Niisan. Nice day today, ne? W00T! THAT RHYMED! Ahaha!"

"Al… are you OK?" Ed asked, concerned.

"I'm fiiiiiiiine Niisan! Just fine! HAVE YOU SEEN ROY LATELY?" Al screamed.

"N-no!" Ed said. "I… I haven't seen him at all lately! Why do you ask?"

"No reason, no reason. None at all. EXCEPT I DON'T WANT HIM RAPING YOU AGAIN, NIISAN!" Al shouted. A bunch of people stared.

"Al, quiet down! You're acting so weird!" Ed remarked.

Al laughed maniacally and ran across the street screaming "KITTIES!" at alarmed pedestrians. Ed decided that maybe this fanfic thing wasn't a good idea, and started to form a plan to get rid of the laptop once and for all.

* * *

Yea. Al has officially gone CRAZY. Well, this story_is_ humor. Someone had to go psycho -shrug-

I'm gonna write the next chapter now. I'll update tomorrow :D YAY! A QUICK UPDATE!

Ja ne everyone!


	6. Operation Get That Laptop!

Chapter: Operation Get That Laptop!

Current Rating: … must I say it?

Notes: Wah… a quick update… I'm happy…

Disclaimer: I own not a laptop. Or a Roy. Or an Ed.

* * *

Ed opened the door to Roy's room slowly, wincing as it creaked. It was pitch black in Roy's room. Roy kept the curtains on the window closed. Ed tiptoed over to the side of Roy's bed. Roy was lying on his back, holding the laptop in his hands. He was snoring lightly.

Ed placed his hand on the laptop, ready to pull it away from Roy, when Roy wrapped his arms around the laptop and turned to his side, facing Ed. Ed held his breath and he tried to tug the laptop away. It wouldn't budge. Ed cursed under his breath.

Ed tugged a bit more at the laptop. It moved a little. Ed, excited, got up on Roy's bed and kneeled there, tugging. The laptop slid right through Roy arms. Ed, feeling victorious, grabbed the laptop and was about to hop off the bed when Roy flung his arm around Ed. Ed froze and held back a yell. Roy pulled Ed close to him, and Ed couldn't move. All he could do was wait for Roy to move his arm.

- - -

The next morning, Roy woke up to find Ed in his arms next to him, staring at the ceiling with bloodshot eyes. Roy chuckled and said, "Gee Ed, you should've woken me up if you wanted to sleep with me!"

Ed threw a pillow at Roy's head.

* * *

I like this chapter XD I kept laughing while writing it.

Love to all my reviewers!

Oh, andI don't know when i'm gonna update again. I really have no clue what to write for the next chapter. Ideas appreciated!


	7. In a Meeting

Chapter: In a Meeting

Current Rating: Oh, what could the rating _be_? I have NO clue!

Notes: Ok, I have an error to correct. About what I wrote about Animenext. My friends and I didn't cosplay _as_ the sins; it's just what we call ourselves. Well ok, my friend Envy cosplayed as Sloth (which makes sense) and my friend Sloth cosplayed as Trisha (which kinda makes sense). And the rest of us didn't cosplay (Lust sort of did, though. She was not-orange-hair Kyo from Furuba). So, I'm sorry for the confusion. I tend to forget the fact that people besides my close friends actually read my fanfics and don't know that much about me. So I'm sorry. I'll change what I wrote so there's no more confusion. Gomen.

Note to the Tsumi: I got the idea for this chapter when I was reminiscing when we were at Pride's/Havoc's. Ya know, with the phone recordings after we went bowling, when we were screaming "TAISA!" and "ROY MASTANGU!" That was fun.

* * *

"TAISA!"

Riza Hawkeye marched up to Roy's office, banged her fist on the door, and screamed, "TAISA, THAT PAPERWORK WAS DUE YESTERDAY! OPEN THE DOOR THIS INSTANT!" She then heard a thud, a yelp, and hurried whispers. Suddenly, the door burst open and Edward Elric ran out of the room, his face bright red.

Roy stood at the door and yelled after Ed, "We'll continue this… um... meeting tomorrow!"

Riza watched the retreating blond, and she shook her head. She turned to Roy and said, "You really are too hard on the boy, Taisa. Look at him, his face is completely red. I think you yell at him too much. You should be more gentle with him."

Roy wiped his lips and said, "Uh, yea. More, um, gentle. I'll keep that in mind, Hawkeye."

* * *

Ok, four things:

1. No, they weren't doing anything _dirty_. What do think this is, a Sockren fanfic? Seriously! -remembering the fact that I did say that I might have to change the rating to M in a later chapter- … -sigh-

2. If you have never screamed "TAISA!" and other random things into your cell phone, you should. It's fun.

3. I'll (hopefully) update tomorrow.

4. Review please!


	8. Nightly Plans

Chapter: Nightly Plans

Current Rating: Take a wild guess.

Notes: Sorry I didn't update yesterday. I was at the beach with Lil Irish QT.

Disclaimer: Don't own.

* * *

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes, of course. Why else would I be here?"

"But you seem a bit too young to-"

"It doesn't matter! I _need_ this!"

"Well, what's in it for me?"

"An uproar in the military. And I have some money, too."

"I don't need money. The uproar thing is entertaining enough. So, why do you want me to do this?"

"I'll tell you later. I need to go."

"Ah, alright."

"Um… can you do it tonight if that's possible?"

"Sure. Tonight. It won't be a problem. I'll go get rid of him for you now."

"Thank you!"

"I should be thanking you. I've been really bored lately. Well, goodnight."

"See you later."

* * *

Yea. People talking. You'll find out who they are later.

Sorry if this chapter was kind of... not entertaining. I'm a bit distraught at the moment. I finished reading Of Mice and Men last night and the end depressed me greatly.

Review please. I'll update as soon as I can.


	9. Military Uproar

Chapter: Military Uproar

Current Rating: -doesn't bother to say what it is-

Notes: I was gonna update sooner but… I didn't… :D Sorry.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

* * *

The next morning, Ed found the military in an uproar. Phone calls were being made, letters were being written, people were running around carrying papers and maps, and Riza was shooting at anyone who wasn't doing anything. Ed wondered what was going on. He saw Havoc standing nearby, holding a piece of paper and shaking his head. Ed went over to him and asked, "What's going on?"

Havoc took his cigarette out of his mouth and frowned. "Didn't you hear? Roy was kidnapped last night." He handed Ed the piece of paper he had. It read, in typed letters:

_Dear Military People,_

_I have taken your beloved Taisa and hid him in an undetectable, safe location, where you will never be able to find him. If you ever want to see Roy Mustang ever again, THEN TOO BAD. Have a nice day!_

_Love,_

_THE KIDNAPPER! MWAHAHAHA!_

* * *

Yay. A KIDNAPPING. No porn, smut, NC-17, or lemon yet :D -shot- Like I'd be able to type anything like that XD -shot again-

I'll try to get the next chapter up soon… but school starts on Tuesday. Ew.

Ja ne everyone. -waves-


	10. A Second Uproar

Chapter: A Second Uproar

Current Rating: My GOD, stop asking me what the rating is! –strangles herself for bothering to type 'Current Rating' each chapter-

Notes: Again, sorry for not updating sooner. I blame school. And my loafers for killing my feet. Not that my feet have anything to do with me writing?

Note to the Tsumi: Omg. You HAD to see this coming XD

Disclaimer: Don't own, don't sue.

* * *

Ed sat in Roy's office alone, wondering about the kidnapping. Who would want to kidnap Roy? Was it an old girlfriend getting revenge on him for dumping him? Someone against the military? 

Riza entered the room and looked at Ed. "It's pretty late. Maybe you should get some sleep." she suggested.

"Well… alright then… I guess." Ed muttered. He dragged himself out of the office.

"Don't worry, we'll find him. You get some rest." Riza said.

- - -

Ed found the military in an uproar again the next morning. He ran over to Farman and asked, "Did someone else get kidnapped? Who was it? Was it Riza?"

Farman said, "First of all, no one else got kidnapped. Second, do you think anyone would even contemplate kidnapping a psychopath like Riza? If that ever happened, we'd find a person with fifty rounds in their skull in some alley."

"Then… what's going on?"

Fuery approached Ed with a newspaper. "Look at this!"

The article in the paper went as such:

_**COLONEL ROY MUSTANG FOUND IN LUST'S CLOSET WITH NO PANTS ON!**_

_Early this morning, Roy Mustang was found tied up in the Homunculus Lust's apartment, which, oddly enough, is right next to Roy's. Officers searching the Mustang's apartment heard yelling at about 4 this morning. They broke into the apartment next door, where they found Mustang in the closet. "Yes, he was found without pants on, but we did confirm that he was wearing boxers." One officer said. At first, Mustang was too upset to speak, but after being given some coffee and a spork, he said, "Yea, I was getting ready for bed when that chick Lust came in and used her lusty lustfulness to knock me unconscious and then later I woke up in a closet and I was tied up and gagged but I chewed through the gag like a hybrid beaver-person and then I was able to yell so then I did yell and then I was found, hey do you have any more coffee?" The military is investigating why Lust, who has yet to be seen, kidnapped Mustang in the first place._

Ed finished the article, and then asked, "If he was found, why is everyone in an uproar?"

"Because Lustkidnapped him," Fuery said.

"Oi, party in honor of Taisa's return!" Havoc shouted. Everyone cheered. So they all went to the local bar and lived happily ever after until the next chapter.

* * *

… random ending much? XD 

Wow, 60 reviews so far. I feel loved.

Omg, this is chapter 10! –does the chapter 10 dance- I haven't written this many chapters in a fanfic since my old script-format ones! But of course, this fic is all drabbles so… 10 chapters isn't really that big of a deal. Eh.

See you next chapter!


	11. A Joyous Event

Chapter: A Joyous Event

Current Rating: Well, what do YOU think?

Notes: I really would have updated this sooner but… I just couldn't. I blame homework, projects, tests, clubs, and my school being all over the news for awhile because prom was cancelled. Oh yes, and this chapter has NOTHING to do with chapter 10. The next chapter will though.

Disclaimer: Copyright not mine.

* * *

Ed entered Roy's office and found Roy wearing a smart new navy blue suit. Roy was putting on a tie and he gave a nod to Ed when the blond boy walked into the room. "Hey Ed," the older alchemist said cheerfully.

"What's up with that?" Ed inquired about the suit.

"Oh, you didn't hear?" Roy asked, looking surprised. "Second Lieutenant Havoc is getting married!"

"What? Who's he marrying?"

"Cain Fuery."

Ed gaped at Roy, who was calmly straightening out his tie. Ed didn't know what to say. Then Roy looked at Edquite seriously and said, "Do you know what else is going on?" Ed shook his head.

"It's April Fools day."

Ed made sure he kicked Roy hard in the shins before storming out of his office.

* * *

THAT CALENDER OVER THERE THAT SAYS IT'S OCTOBER IS PLAYING DRESS-UP!

Well, just because it's not April here, doesn't mean it isn't on Ed's side of the gate. Or maybe Ed's just dumb about the date, leaving him vulnerable to holiday pranks. Teehee.

I'll attempt to update real soon. Maybe I'll write the next chapter when I'm babysitting on Sunday… after I send the kids to bed and I put on the Ring because I'm that stupid. (I did that once and I kept thinking Samara would leap out of the bathroom and kill me ..)


	12. A Secret Revealed

Chapter: A Secret Revealed

Current rating: IT'S PROBABLY GONNA BE PG-13 FOREVER, SO WHY THE HELL DO I KEEP BOTHERING TO WRITE 'CURRENT CHAPTER' EACH AND EVERY CHAPTER?

Notes: … My school was on Good Morning America. And CNN and MTV were here this morning. Because prom was cancelled! My GOD, the school is a CATHOLIC SCHOOL, this was bound to happen sooner or later! And now I hear Oprah wants to come to the school. IT'S JUST A PROM!

Disclaimer: Not owned by me.

* * *

Ed walked down the road, still angry at Roy for playing that joke on him. He knew it was stupid to get worked up over it. It really wasn't a big deal. At least there weren't any short jokes.

As Ed walked on, he noticed that there was someone at the entrance to an alley up ahead. Someone who looked like he was wearing armor.

"Hey, Al!" Ed called. Al jumped and tried to scurry down the alley. Ed caught up with him.

"H-hi Niisan!" Al said. He sounded nervous.

"What's up Al?" Ed asked. "I haven't seen you in awhile."

"I DIDN'T DO IT! I WASN'T A PART OF IT!" Al suddenly screamed.

"Wait, what?" Ed asked, confused.

"Uh, nothing Niisan! Never mind that outburst! You didn't hear anything! NOTHING!"

"What's this about, Al?"

"It's not about Roy, if that's what you're thinking. I certainly DIDN'T hire Lust to kidnap him! Ahaha!"

"… WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

Al ran like lighting down the alley and out of sight before Ed could do anything to him.

* * *

Yay? Eh, I thought this up just now XD

Remember to review, stay in school, and not do drugs. Unless RoyEd is a drug. Then it's ok :D


	13. A New Movement

Chapter: A New Movement.

Current Rating: GREH! -goes Riza on the 'Current Rating'-

Notes: I was mindfucked to the point of no return by an EnvySloth fic a few minutes ago, so forgive me if this chapter is dumb.

Disclaimer: Not mine, as usual.

* * *

Ed searched in another alley, looked inside another trashcan, and talked to another mother doing her shopping with her kids. But no matter what he did, he couldn't find out where Al was. One little boy said he saw a "robot holding a kitty run that way" but the kid didn't remember which direction "that way" was.

Ed wasn't that mad at Al anymore- he was now very concerned. Why would Al do something like hire a homunculus to get rid of Roy? Why go near a homunculus at all? It's not like Ed was doing anything that bad with Roy.

While he was preoccupied with his thoughts, Ed didn't notice a certain suit or armor sneaking out of an alley ahead of him. Before Ed could do anything, he ran straight into said armor.

"Al!" Ed cried, jumping back up on his feet. "Where have you been?I'vebeen looking everywhere for you!I'm not mad at if you if that's what you're thinking. I just-"

"Quiet, you shrimp," Al said.

Ed started at his brother for a second. "Shrimp? SHRIMP?"

Then Al turned into Envy. "MWAHAHA, I AM REALLY ENVY AND AL TOLD ME TO TELL YOU TO TELL ROY THAT THE MEMBERS OF THE HOMUNCULI AGAINST THE COLONEL MOVEMENT WILL STRIKE AGAIN SOON!" Envy laughed maniacally, and then he ran.

Ed started after him.

"Homunculi Against the Colonel Movement...?"

* * *

Yes, I made up that movement just now because I need inspiration for the next chapter.

Review and stuff, kay?


	14. A Warning Too Late

Chapter: A Warning Too Late

Notes: No more current rating. Thank God.

Disclaimer: It will never be mine, dammit.

* * *

Ed ran as fast as he could down the streets. He needed to warn Roy about the Homunculi Against the Colonel Movement. He also needed to find Al and pull him away from the dark side. But Roy would have to come first. What if the HACM got to him before Ed arrived? He shuddered, trying not to think about it. 

He reached HQ and ran inside. When he got to Roy's office, he pulled open the door shouting, "Roy, you have to get out of here!" but what he saw made him gasp.

The room was a disaster.

The desk was overturned, chairs were smashed, and papers were strewn all over the floor. Ed gaped at the mess in horror. The HACM got him!

Suddenly, someone collided with Ed from behind. Ed fell to the floor. The person who hit him said, "Oh, Ed! Are you alright?" Ed stood up and turned to see who it was that hit him. It was... Roy.

"Roy!" Ed exclaimed. "What happened? I thought you got kidnapped again!"

"Kidnapped? What?" Roy asked, confused. Then he said, "Oh, no! I was looking for this!" He held up a quarter. "It rolled under the desk. Good thing I found it, right? Quarters are very important! I needed it to pay for my coffee. Want some?"

Ed wanted to strangle him.

* * *

Wow. I went through a million ideas before coming up with the quarter thing X.x 

Happy New Year everyone :D Remember to review!


	15. Ante Bellum

Chapter: Ante Bellum

Notes: It's 11:30 here on the east coast, so I thought, "Hey, why don't I update a fanfic?"

Disclaimer: Not mine. Not yours.

* * *

Ed was lying in bed, thinking about Al and the Homunculi. He knew they would strike soon, but when? Where? What if they were kidnapping Roy again right now? Ed sat up. He needed to get to Roy. 

As he left his room, he heard a noise. Ed looked around, but he couldn't see much in the dark. He tried to find a light switch, but before he could, a hand clamped down on his shoulder.

"Ed?"

Ed recognized the voice. "Roy, what are you doing here? I was just about to find you."

"Well, I was asleep when I heard someone breaking in," Roy said. "It was one of the homunculi I think, so I snuck out and came here. I don't think I was noticed."

Sadly, that was not the case. A moment later, Lust, Envy, and Gluttony kicked the door down and stepped into the room. Lust switched on a light.

"It ends here, Mustang and Fullmetal," Lust said.

Roy and Ed glanced at each other. Then Ed shrugged and said, "I've beaten you in fanfics, so why not here? Bring it on, sinner."

Lust grinned.

* * *

Ohoho, cliffhanger! Whatever shall happen to Ed and Roy? You'll find out in the next exciting chapter of UNDER THE INFLUENCE! BWAHAHA! 

(The title is Latin for "before the war", by the way. Yeah.)


	16. Oh So Random

Chapter: Oh So Random

Notes: Um... I forgot this fic existed XD; I'm sorry.

Disclaimer: Eh, the usual.

* * *

Ed, Roy, and the Homunculi stood with their weapons ready; Ed had transmutated his automail into a blade, Roy had his fingers in snapping position, Lust had her long lusty lust fingers pointed at Ed and Roy, Gluttony had an empty stomach, and Envy had made himself look like one of Roy's old girlfriends. 

Gluttony made the first move. He latched onto Ed's leg and started chewing on his automail.

"GET IT OFFA ME!" Ed screamed as he flailed and tried to run. Roy snapped his fingers and shot fire at Gluttony's head. However, the very hungry homunculus didn't notice.

"Ha, Fullmetal is beaten already!" Envy exclaimed.

Suddenly, Winry barged into the room. When she saw Gluttony munching on Ed's automail, she shrieked and threw Gluttony out the window. Everyone stared at her.

"What's going on?" Envy asked.

"Al's had a change of heart, that's all," Winry said. "He told me about this attack tonight, so I came to stop it!" She threw a wrench at Envy, thus knocking him unconscious.

"But why are you here and not at home?" Roy asked.

Winry shrugged. Ed whispered to Roy, "Characters always pop up unexpectedly in fanfics."

"But this isn't a fanfic," Roy whispered back.

"Or is it?"

There was a brief moment of silence, until Lust said, "Um, I'm gonna leave now. This is awkward." She dragged Envy away by his feet.

"I guess I'll be going, too," Winry said. "Bye guys!"

When Winry left the room, Roy lay down in Ed's bed and fell asleep. Ed, since his bed only fit one person, had to sleep on the floor, which made him very sad.

* * *

Yeah. I'm very tired. 

Oh, and I will be in Disney World for a week starting Friday, so there will be no updates. I will attempt to write the next chapter during the trip so I can update when I get back.

Happy July 4th everyone!


	17. Photographs

Chapter: Photographs

Notes: Meh. I tried to update a bit earlier but I didn't know what to write about. And I'm updating now because it's my brother's birthday today (he's 11) and I'm anti-social. :D; So yeah. I'm hiding from the party. XD

Disclaimer: Yes, yes.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

Ed found Al sitting on the curb. He was wearing a top hat and an ill-fitting coat. Ed rapped his knuckles on Al's shoulder, and Al jumped up.

"Oh, Niisan!" Al said. "How did you recognize me?"

"Because you are the least inconspicuous being in existence," Ed told him. The two began walking towards HQ. "Anyway, Winry told me you had a change of heart?"

"Oh, yes! Ignoring the pedophilic aspect of the relationship, I decided that you and Roy are cute together!"

"Oh, alright."

They were soon at HQ. They went inside and went inside Roy's office to find Winry and the Colonel having an argument.

"Oh, come _on_!" Winry was saying. "What harm will it do?"

"No means no!" Roy shouted angrily at her. "I will not!" He then saw Ed. "Hello there, Fullmetal." Ed approached Roy and asked, "What's up?"

Al instantly slammed the door shut and locked it. He pulled a camera out of his armor. "Good job, Al," Winry said. The two turned on Ed and Roy.

"Wha-what are you going to do?" Ed asked, backing away.

Winry and Al only grinned.

- - -

Winry and Al left Roy's office with satisfied smirks on their faces. Havoc called over to them, "What's with those looks?" Winry held up a few photos and said, "Just some pictures we took." She tossed one at Havoc. "You can keep it." The two left.

Havoc looked at the photo and had a laughing fit. Fuery, who was walking by, asked, "What's that?" He looked at the photo and coughed awkwardly.

"Well," he said, "this is certainly strange."

"But you've gotta admit," Havoc said, "those two look damn sexy in dresses."

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

What am I smoking?

Uh, anyway, I made up the ending on a strange whim. So don't ask about it. XD

I'm gonna go bludgeon myself now for writing this crap chapter of crack-induced horror. :D

Remember to review!


End file.
